close
It's almost 2 in the morning but I have not started to read the three chapters I planned to read. And I ate some more crackers because I was hungry. Sigh. I lost 1 kilogram within two weeks but I think I just got it back again this week. I want to lose at least 5 kilograms. It's a long journey to go.
I thought I was calm and knew exactly what I was doing but after this afternoon's class, I am not so sure. This morning I woke up around 10.30 and was still tired from going the kickboxing class yesterday. Then I read some articles I supposed to read many weeks ago. After lunch I went to class. Nothing special, nothing wrong. However, when I was listening to the guest speaker talking about speech pathologist also dealing with swallowing difficulties, my tears started to fall. I knew that trigger the memories of my mom's last few days and I tried very hard to stop the tears but I just could not. I think I was dealing with it all right: I managed to calm myself down in a few minutes. I would have left the classroom if i had kept crying but luckily, I did not. Not sure if anyone noticed that, but nobody said anything so I assume not. Well, if anybody noticed anything, they wouldn't say it anyway. Anyhow, it's really embarrassing. I was just thinking about stopping the counseling but I guess that will not be a good idea.
Then I went to the toilet during the break. Suddenly, I found myself look so sad and old in the mirror. I looked scary, I have to say. What's wrong? I don't know. Then I cried again in the library after class. Just feel too sad to read or study.
I really think there's something wrong with me. Sometimes I just cannot think well. Other times, I don't think I am myself anymore. Feel a bit like those patients with brain damage. My memories and the way I feel about things is really not usual. So tired now and cannot think well. Probably should go to bed soon though there are still a lot of things I want to say.
By the way, I don't really think I have a strict diet plan but last night in my dream I was eating a lot! I went to a friend's party and there was plenty of food and I kept eating and eating. Well, I don't think I think about food that often, not sure why it came to my dream. Perhaps it's in my subconscious? Then I probably should have handsome guys in my dream all the time. Ha ha.
I thought I was calm and knew exactly what I was doing but after this afternoon's class, I am not so sure. This morning I woke up around 10.30 and was still tired from going the kickboxing class yesterday. Then I read some articles I supposed to read many weeks ago. After lunch I went to class. Nothing special, nothing wrong. However, when I was listening to the guest speaker talking about speech pathologist also dealing with swallowing difficulties, my tears started to fall. I knew that trigger the memories of my mom's last few days and I tried very hard to stop the tears but I just could not. I think I was dealing with it all right: I managed to calm myself down in a few minutes. I would have left the classroom if i had kept crying but luckily, I did not. Not sure if anyone noticed that, but nobody said anything so I assume not. Well, if anybody noticed anything, they wouldn't say it anyway. Anyhow, it's really embarrassing. I was just thinking about stopping the counseling but I guess that will not be a good idea.
Then I went to the toilet during the break. Suddenly, I found myself look so sad and old in the mirror. I looked scary, I have to say. What's wrong? I don't know. Then I cried again in the library after class. Just feel too sad to read or study.
I really think there's something wrong with me. Sometimes I just cannot think well. Other times, I don't think I am myself anymore. Feel a bit like those patients with brain damage. My memories and the way I feel about things is really not usual. So tired now and cannot think well. Probably should go to bed soon though there are still a lot of things I want to say.
By the way, I don't really think I have a strict diet plan but last night in my dream I was eating a lot! I went to a friend's party and there was plenty of food and I kept eating and eating. Well, I don't think I think about food that often, not sure why it came to my dream. Perhaps it's in my subconscious? Then I probably should have handsome guys in my dream all the time. Ha ha.
全站熱搜
留言列表
