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I feel quite stupid after sending this email but I don't think I have a choice. I just became so strange and I cannot imagine what I will be like after staying home all alone for another five weeks.
I tried to help myself by doing exercise, eating well, writing a diary, thinking positively but it is just very difficult to deal with when I am depressed. There's so much the anti-depressants and sleeping pills can help me and I believe my friends can give me more help and support I need if I ask for help and this is the most difficult thing sometimes because I am simply too proud to ask for help? I don't know.
Really exhausted and need to get some rest.
Dear all,
Not sure where to start. I know I have to write this while I can even though I feel really confused now and hope you guys will be able to understand. I would like to ask for a favor and I know it might sound strange but I will really appreciate it if you can help.
I complained a lot and I think everyone knows that I am not happy with the course, the teaching quality and the fact that I am surrounded by a lot of Chinese students so my English is getting worse and my Mandarin is getting better. I knew I was not happy about a lot of things and I thought about giving up the course but I did not notice how depressed I was. I became very sad and cried every day. In the end, there's no reason for my tears, and I simply felt sad. I could not get our of bed, I was late for classes all the time, and I even missed some classes. It's really bad and that's the time the counselor told me to see the doctor and I started to take anti-depressants. Even though I hated medicine(influenced by Andrew, i think ;p), I knew I had to take it since it was almost time for the final exams and I just could not afford to feel that sad.
It's been a month since I started medication. At first, it worked quite well and my sadness just disappeared over night. I was calm but still anxious and could not do much. However, about two weeks ago, it got worse: I became isolated. I did not want to go out, I did not want to talk to people: I did not use skype or MSN and I simply did not feel like doing anything. When I was around people, I acted very normal but when I was alone, I was sad and anxious. Internet was the main source I had contact with people but in the end I did not even go online for three days. I thought about death a lot and it's terrible. It's really hard to explain and hard to be understood if you have never had that feeling, which means you are really lucky.
When I was really depressed I did not want to do anything and it just made things worse. I knew I would have felt much better if I had simply chatted with someone or even written emails but just couldn't and I don't know why. Well, the counselor and doctor told me it's because of depression.
I feel oaky and that's why I am able to write this email but I don't know when I will feel extremely down again. When I feel fine like now, I can manage to do something and make some plans but I am a bit worried about myself since it's semester break now. All my housemates went back to China and won't be back in five weeks. And to be very honest with you, I didn't really make many friends so I will be all by myself for the most of the time in next five weeks and this is no good for me. I am not sure if I was too depressed so I did not make friends or go anywhere or not going anywhere and not making friends made me depressed. Anyways, just by reading my email, you can tell me that I am still a bit confused.
I can only do very few things in a day because I am kind of slow and I don't think I function well now. And writing to get some help is one of my goals today. I think this sounds a bit strange even to myself but I think this is what I have to do to save myself. If you have friends in Sydney or in Australia and you think they are willing to hang out with a "stranger", please let me know or have them contact me. I really can use some help here. Or if you see me or msn or skype, just chat with me for a few words or drop me a line will help too. If you have time to check out my blog, please leave a few words. If you don't mind my calling you at any time when I am really depressed, please let me know. I know I have some friends there for me but when I am really depressed, I just feel I don't want to bother people and I don't want to always complain. Last week, a social worker called me every day to make sure I was okay and I was given a 24 hour crisis line just in case I got really upset. It's nice to have some support here but it will be nicer to know that I can get support from someone I know.
That's the energy I have for today and I am going to send this to all my friends. Perhaps a Chinese version tomorrow if I can.
msn: linhuiching@hotmail.com
skype:linhuiching
blog:http://www.linhuiching.spaces.live.com/
I know I will be fine but I really need your friendship at the moment to help me go through this. Thanks a billion.
Best
Jessie
I tried to help myself by doing exercise, eating well, writing a diary, thinking positively but it is just very difficult to deal with when I am depressed. There's so much the anti-depressants and sleeping pills can help me and I believe my friends can give me more help and support I need if I ask for help and this is the most difficult thing sometimes because I am simply too proud to ask for help? I don't know.
Really exhausted and need to get some rest.
Dear all,
Not sure where to start. I know I have to write this while I can even though I feel really confused now and hope you guys will be able to understand. I would like to ask for a favor and I know it might sound strange but I will really appreciate it if you can help.
I complained a lot and I think everyone knows that I am not happy with the course, the teaching quality and the fact that I am surrounded by a lot of Chinese students so my English is getting worse and my Mandarin is getting better. I knew I was not happy about a lot of things and I thought about giving up the course but I did not notice how depressed I was. I became very sad and cried every day. In the end, there's no reason for my tears, and I simply felt sad. I could not get our of bed, I was late for classes all the time, and I even missed some classes. It's really bad and that's the time the counselor told me to see the doctor and I started to take anti-depressants. Even though I hated medicine(influenced by Andrew, i think ;p), I knew I had to take it since it was almost time for the final exams and I just could not afford to feel that sad.
It's been a month since I started medication. At first, it worked quite well and my sadness just disappeared over night. I was calm but still anxious and could not do much. However, about two weeks ago, it got worse: I became isolated. I did not want to go out, I did not want to talk to people: I did not use skype or MSN and I simply did not feel like doing anything. When I was around people, I acted very normal but when I was alone, I was sad and anxious. Internet was the main source I had contact with people but in the end I did not even go online for three days. I thought about death a lot and it's terrible. It's really hard to explain and hard to be understood if you have never had that feeling, which means you are really lucky.
When I was really depressed I did not want to do anything and it just made things worse. I knew I would have felt much better if I had simply chatted with someone or even written emails but just couldn't and I don't know why. Well, the counselor and doctor told me it's because of depression.
I feel oaky and that's why I am able to write this email but I don't know when I will feel extremely down again. When I feel fine like now, I can manage to do something and make some plans but I am a bit worried about myself since it's semester break now. All my housemates went back to China and won't be back in five weeks. And to be very honest with you, I didn't really make many friends so I will be all by myself for the most of the time in next five weeks and this is no good for me. I am not sure if I was too depressed so I did not make friends or go anywhere or not going anywhere and not making friends made me depressed. Anyways, just by reading my email, you can tell me that I am still a bit confused.
I can only do very few things in a day because I am kind of slow and I don't think I function well now. And writing to get some help is one of my goals today. I think this sounds a bit strange even to myself but I think this is what I have to do to save myself. If you have friends in Sydney or in Australia and you think they are willing to hang out with a "stranger", please let me know or have them contact me. I really can use some help here. Or if you see me or msn or skype, just chat with me for a few words or drop me a line will help too. If you have time to check out my blog, please leave a few words. If you don't mind my calling you at any time when I am really depressed, please let me know. I know I have some friends there for me but when I am really depressed, I just feel I don't want to bother people and I don't want to always complain. Last week, a social worker called me every day to make sure I was okay and I was given a 24 hour crisis line just in case I got really upset. It's nice to have some support here but it will be nicer to know that I can get support from someone I know.
That's the energy I have for today and I am going to send this to all my friends. Perhaps a Chinese version tomorrow if I can.
msn: linhuiching@hotmail.com
skype:linhuiching
blog:http://www.linhuiching.spaces.live.com/
I know I will be fine but I really need your friendship at the moment to help me go through this. Thanks a billion.
Best
Jessie
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