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a bit tired. well, maybe more than a bit. not sure if there's a reason
for my tears or it's just because women are made of water. ha ha.
talking nonsense again. not sure what i am talking about just like not
sure what my life is. is there any meaning in it? probably not much, at
least not that i can see now.
do i need someone to analyze me? well, i think i can do that on my own. it's not that difficult. in fact, i think everyone can do so if they are honest with themselves. who else can know them better? but do i want to? not sure.
funny. i always check the statistics and today i found someone use google search, jessie + depression so i did that myself. to my surprise, it's the second page where i found my space. i guess not so many jessies are as depressed as i am, ha ha. not really something i should be glad for but... anyway, not sure what i am talking about.
a bit upset. why? saw two people on msn who i think they are rude and without sincerity at all. i don't think i am that kind of person and i really don't like people like that. unfortunately i used to like one of them a lot. i knew he's like that but still i liked him. stupid. young and stupid, i have to say.
not just me. many women are like that. we don't treat ourselves very well. we don't like good guys. bad guys are more attractive, more challenging? i don't know. sigh. i have not much to tell other people because i know well what human natures are and it's just there. it's not something you like but a lot of time it's not something you can change.
if i feel something for someone then i feel it. then it's my choice. i can choose to run away from it, that is just force myself to think of something else whenever i think of him. or i can just allow myself to waste my time and indulge myself in some memories. neither of them are good but eventually one is better than the other. do i always choose the one which is good for me? now i always choose what i feel like doing at that moment. from my past experience, it's not too difficult to see that and i probably can blame it on my personality.
not sure what i am talking about. still crying. still not sure why. beer? jazz? period? new born baby? something i want but i can't get? hopeless? uncertainty? i don't know. i am not sure if i really want to know. just feel like crying, crying, crying. very sad very sad but not sure why. it's not important. it doesn't really change anything. still sad, even if i have a reason. if i can find the reason, can i stop crying and not feel sad. probably not. can i get rid of the reason which makes me cry? probably not. then why bother? don't want to wake up tomorrow morning again. no hope in this kind of sadness. can't see the future. a bit scary. why? i don't know. maybe i will feel better tomorrow then wonder why i was so depressed when i wake up tomorrow morning. but then i feel normal but this kind of feeling will come back some time in the future. so tired and sick of dealing with it but it's just something i guess i'll have to deal with my whole life.
do i need someone to analyze me? well, i think i can do that on my own. it's not that difficult. in fact, i think everyone can do so if they are honest with themselves. who else can know them better? but do i want to? not sure.
funny. i always check the statistics and today i found someone use google search, jessie + depression so i did that myself. to my surprise, it's the second page where i found my space. i guess not so many jessies are as depressed as i am, ha ha. not really something i should be glad for but... anyway, not sure what i am talking about.
a bit upset. why? saw two people on msn who i think they are rude and without sincerity at all. i don't think i am that kind of person and i really don't like people like that. unfortunately i used to like one of them a lot. i knew he's like that but still i liked him. stupid. young and stupid, i have to say.
not just me. many women are like that. we don't treat ourselves very well. we don't like good guys. bad guys are more attractive, more challenging? i don't know. sigh. i have not much to tell other people because i know well what human natures are and it's just there. it's not something you like but a lot of time it's not something you can change.
if i feel something for someone then i feel it. then it's my choice. i can choose to run away from it, that is just force myself to think of something else whenever i think of him. or i can just allow myself to waste my time and indulge myself in some memories. neither of them are good but eventually one is better than the other. do i always choose the one which is good for me? now i always choose what i feel like doing at that moment. from my past experience, it's not too difficult to see that and i probably can blame it on my personality.
not sure what i am talking about. still crying. still not sure why. beer? jazz? period? new born baby? something i want but i can't get? hopeless? uncertainty? i don't know. i am not sure if i really want to know. just feel like crying, crying, crying. very sad very sad but not sure why. it's not important. it doesn't really change anything. still sad, even if i have a reason. if i can find the reason, can i stop crying and not feel sad. probably not. can i get rid of the reason which makes me cry? probably not. then why bother? don't want to wake up tomorrow morning again. no hope in this kind of sadness. can't see the future. a bit scary. why? i don't know. maybe i will feel better tomorrow then wonder why i was so depressed when i wake up tomorrow morning. but then i feel normal but this kind of feeling will come back some time in the future. so tired and sick of dealing with it but it's just something i guess i'll have to deal with my whole life.
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