So many things I have to do but I am not doing much. Well, that’s what I told myself and of course I have been doing things. Have to be very careful with my own thoughts and try not to fall into the traps again.
Actually, I was crying a bit today, a bit freaking out about the future. Not sure what to do where to go and just not sure what to think sometimes. It’s a bit weird. It seems like things are going pretty well at the moment. Well, too well, that I started to worry that something bad might happen. I know how stupid it sounds but just cannot help it. Sigh.
In fact, I had some nightmares last night again. I did not sleep well when I was in Grandmom’s for some reason. Well, might just not comfortable and not used to sleeping on others’ bed. Then I moved, and I don’t really like the mattress in the new place but I cannot afford to buy a new one and it’s really not necessary. Anyway, I had some weird dreams before and last night I had a dream that something evil was next to me and I wanted to get the lucky charm my dad got from the temple and gave me before I came here but I just couldn’t get up. When I woke up this morning, I felt like not having any sleep and my whole body sore. Then I have this slight headache whole day. Not sure if it’s because I am having my period. Anyways, strange strange strange but it’s fine. Positive thinking and everything will be right. Talking about positive thinking, this morning when I woke up, I had this very strange thought that when we pray, we pray to gods but what if accidently, we attract the devils? We’ll never know, right? It happens a lot in novels and movies. Then I said to myself that when we pray, perhaps we just enforce things we want to do and in fact, everyone is their own god because they are those people who make their dreams come true. Nothing will happen if they don’t do anything. So perhaps there’s no god? But then where are we from? Don’t know. No answers. Got stuck there.
Then when I was on the train, I thought about a very useful word: sometimes. I think I am a pretty much “sometimes” person. And a lot of people are like me. You know, sometimes you can look at things in this way but other times you look at things a very different way. Sometimes you love the person but other times you hate the person. And there are always this sometimes here and there and things become so difficult and you just cannot make a decision. I am so tired now I am not sure what I am talking about.
Very happy day today. Well, I was crying early the day but then I went to the city to meet friends, well, my Japanese classmates. It was still early when I arrived the city so I got off one stop earlier just to take a walk but as soon as I got out of the station, I saw the classmate I was supposed to meet in an hour eating at a fast food restaurant.
Life is really interesting in this way. My yoga teacher told us to write down all the coincidences in our life because there is a meaning for all of that but we might just not realized it at that time. Perhaps we will figure it out later so he told us just to write it down without any interpretation. I didn’t really write down any so far but I kind of observe them and see what happened. Last night before I fell asleep, I was just thinking that there’s no coincidence happened to me for a long time then today it happened. Well, there’s something behind I guess.
We can always learn from anything. In fact, we can give meaning to anything we want. I think I read something like this before: life has no meaning itself, it all depends on what you do to make it meaningful. Something like that and I think it’s quite true.
Anyway, digress too much, let’s go back on track. My friend told me about his translation job. And I think I have to start mine soon. This might be the thing I really need to do. We had a good chat then met another friend to have a cup of coffee then we went to a TAIWANESE restaurant. It was so nice with all those home dishes I missed so much. It’s really nice. I think I almost cried when I saw the food and I will definitely go back again. Now I am hungry even though I had some potato chips before. Well, I think I just want to eat something.
Anyway, then I went home and chatted with my Japanese housemates. Now I am surrounded by Japanese instead of Chinese, ha ha. We are going to Sydney Festival first night tomorrow. It should be nice. And I told them some tips about learning English. Well, in fact, I might open a small class to teach them English and they can help me with my Japanese, which will be nice so I will remember how to teach English when I go back to Taiwan. I really think teaching is something I want to do in the future. It’s just nice to help people who want to learn English learn it easily and quickly.
One of my housemates asked me what’s the most important thing of learning English. Guess what my answer is? Interest, I said. She’s very surprised and so did other housemates. Well, it’s my personal opinion but I think it’s very true.
Jesus, I can really write. I wrote almost a thousand words already. I think I will just keep on doing this and my essays should have not problem to finish but it might be terrible since I digress too much. Ha ha. Wow, the synonyms function is so easy and useful. Cannot believe I didn’t know that before. Anyways, time to think again. Hopefully, I will come up with some good ideas about my future and some plans for the rest of my vacation.
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