yoga－Lin Jessie的部落格

It's funny how different I feel every time when I do yoga. I love it better and better every day.

A few months ago not too long after I started taking yoga class with Rob, I realized that life is like yoga: we try so hard the whole time just to wait for the peace and relaxation in the end. That's how I feel at that time. I did yoga because I felt I had to, I needed to. Though I enjoyed it but I took it as something I needed to do and every gesture I did, I was waiting for the end, the relaxation part.

I've been feeling pretty good and finally able to think for a few days. Today while I was in class, I came to different realization. Yes, we will all reach the peaceful moment of our life in the end but one thing very important is that how we live our life. If I live my life like I did yoga before: just focus on when it will end, how much longer I will exist then there's no way I can feel any good in my life. However, if I take the chance to know my body to feel my body to learn more about myself then the process isn't painful anymore and I feel good the whole time I do it, not just the end.

a letter to my yoga teacher to share my thoughts

Hi, Rob,

It's always nice to go to the class. I am glad that I made it today!

I always think a lot and doing yoga is one of those very few moments I don't think but still my thoughts wonder around from time to time. Today I came to another realization from what I had a few months ago when I started to take your class. I was struggling and took it as some sort of torture to keep myslef healthy and I was always waiting for the break after every pose and the break in the end. One time, I thought of my mom, who died from cancer two years ago. I took care of her for the last six months and literally watched her die slowly. I told myself that doing yoga was pretty much the same as how we lived our life: every day we wake up and work like a dog then we wait for the night to get some rest and the next morning we start the same thing; we struggle our whole life and in the end we rest in peace.

I quite the anti-depressants two weeks ago and that's why I missed so many classes. It's not easy and I felt drowsy a lot of time. I ate a lot and slept a lot, couldn't really do anything else for a while. It took me a lot to make the decision and get over it. I really appreciate your friendship and encouragement to help me through my difficult times. I am glad that I can think better now and know who I am and what I am doing. Even though I don't know how long this will last, I am glad that I am the one who has control of my life not the medication.

How we feel reflects on how we think. Today while I was in class, I came to this different realization. Yes, we will all reach the peaceful moment of our life in the end but one thing very important is that how we live our life. If I live my life like I did yoga before: just focus on when the suffering will end, when I will be able to take a break, then there's no way I can feel any good in my life. However, if I take the chance to know my body, to feel my body and to learn more about myself then the process isn't really painful anymore and I feel good the whole time I do it, not just the break time. I thought of my mom again. This time I was thinking the peaceful face she had after she died. Her life is definitely not easy with all the hardship she had been through but she's always trying so hard to do the best she could and I think a life like this is worth living and that's what I would like to live.

It's funny that we all know we need to live in the moment and think we do it because we know too well of it but as a matter of fact, so few people do it. Just like a lot of time we try to persuade people do things we enjoy doing, forgetting that it might just not their cup of tea, and we hate people ask us do things we don't enjoy doing.

Well, just feel like sharing some thoughts. Thanks for listening again. After I quit the sleeping pills and anti-depressants, my sleeping problem is getting worse but I will try to go to class whenever I can. See you soon!