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cannot sleep. another strange day. well, it's not really that bad but strange in a way i am not sure if i understand it.
was thinking about what i should ask the counselor before i went today but when i got there he was busy with another client so i waited for about 30 minutes which was okay since i had a book with me. we didn't have a good talk today. at least, i didn't like it at all and felt even worse after talking to him. it happens. either i feel great or i feel worse after talking to a counselor and it rarely has any gray area. so i asked myself what went wrong? well, i was pretty down yesterday and we were talking about that most of the time. besides, he's not really there. i don't know. i kind of feel like he's a different person from last time. how can i explain this? i don't know.
in fact, i observed him every time i saw him. the way he talked, what he said, how he handle with the time and so on. i am still not sure if i should trust him or not. i guess it's normal. well, funny in a way that i would not answer his questions or refuse to do so when i don't trust a counselor and today it is quite obvious. there's the resistance there i am not sure if he noticed it at all. when you talk to someone, you need other people's cooperation. it takes two to tango. not in a dancing mood today, i guess, ha ha. very cold.
he's not talking about things i want to talk about? yeah, with so many clients he probably didn't remember at all why i came to see him in such a short time. whatever. was quite upset most of the time. funny that talking to the counselor marked the worse time of my day. then why did i go at the first place. well, he makes me think and i need it now to clear some things, i guess. i like people who make me think. now that i observe myself so well with all those strategies i can use, i try not to think too much about it or feel too bad about it so i decided to blame it on the name: he pronounced my Chinese name so wrong that it really got on my nerve. does this make sense? probably not. but it doesn't have to. not all the things in the world makes sense.
every time i write this late at night, i started to feel hungry. so hungry again!
going to get something to eat and watch another episode of six feet under. it's really depressing but also very provoking. it makes me think a lot too. starving. need to feed.
was thinking about what i should ask the counselor before i went today but when i got there he was busy with another client so i waited for about 30 minutes which was okay since i had a book with me. we didn't have a good talk today. at least, i didn't like it at all and felt even worse after talking to him. it happens. either i feel great or i feel worse after talking to a counselor and it rarely has any gray area. so i asked myself what went wrong? well, i was pretty down yesterday and we were talking about that most of the time. besides, he's not really there. i don't know. i kind of feel like he's a different person from last time. how can i explain this? i don't know.
in fact, i observed him every time i saw him. the way he talked, what he said, how he handle with the time and so on. i am still not sure if i should trust him or not. i guess it's normal. well, funny in a way that i would not answer his questions or refuse to do so when i don't trust a counselor and today it is quite obvious. there's the resistance there i am not sure if he noticed it at all. when you talk to someone, you need other people's cooperation. it takes two to tango. not in a dancing mood today, i guess, ha ha. very cold.
he's not talking about things i want to talk about? yeah, with so many clients he probably didn't remember at all why i came to see him in such a short time. whatever. was quite upset most of the time. funny that talking to the counselor marked the worse time of my day. then why did i go at the first place. well, he makes me think and i need it now to clear some things, i guess. i like people who make me think. now that i observe myself so well with all those strategies i can use, i try not to think too much about it or feel too bad about it so i decided to blame it on the name: he pronounced my Chinese name so wrong that it really got on my nerve. does this make sense? probably not. but it doesn't have to. not all the things in the world makes sense.
every time i write this late at night, i started to feel hungry. so hungry again!
going to get something to eat and watch another episode of six feet under. it's really depressing but also very provoking. it makes me think a lot too. starving. need to feed.
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