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This is how frustrating life can be: I cannot find the draft I wrote earlier. Anyway, not that I care.
It's almost 3 in the morning. I think I am pretty tired and hopefully will fall asleep soon before this gets too long.
Not a good day. I knew that the moment I woke up. Was still in bed for another 30 minutes or so and started to cry too much that I had to get myself out of the bed. Not surprised it's dark when I looked out and it was a bit chilly then in the afternoon it started to rain and the temperature kept dropping. Very depressing weather.
I was quite sentimental all day. I cried when I did yoga, when I listened to songs, when I felt frustrated, when I watched six feet under, and for some unknown reasons. I don't like this at all. I know I am going to feel down but I did not expect it happened so soon so dramatic. I mean hey, I went to Wei's birthday party on Friday and I went to Sam's farewell party and Alice's daughter, Elisa's birthday party on Saturday and both were nice. The only reason I could think of is that I got my pretty bad mark of interpreting practice:55, which is a pass. I think it's the lowest mark I have ever got in my whole life. I haven't failed a subject so far, and it Taiwan you fail if it's below 60. Here I think it's 50.
I was quite upset at the beginning but then I told myself that I was not in a good condition and that's why I asked for special consideration. In fact, I did not think I did it that bad but I guess it was bad enough to get me that low mark. But I just wonder how about other classmates. Two of my classmates have not got their results yet. Who knows, maybe they have got good mark and waiting for NATTI accreditation. I just wonder if they will fail anyone who could not even understand most part of the exam. Talking about the exam, I heard a student was laughed by the teacher who taught us. Couldn't believe how terrible a teacher can be like that to laugh at his own student in a formal exam.
Well, that's the best I could do at that time so it didn't really bring me down that much, so what's the reason? About having kids or not? The questions, problems I have to think for my future? I like John because he makes me think but now I kind of get to the point that I wonder if I should keep thinking. I am just down and everything I do or think or see just makes me sad. I didn't realize that I did not have a happy childhood before I started to see the counselor. I guess what I told Johan on Friday was quite depressing and it did not go away?
Well, it's not really such a terrible day. At least I was quite aware that I am falling so I tried to pull myself up without making too much effort since I knew if I try too hard, it would work the opposite way. I pushed myself to tidy up the room but gave myself a lot of time. good i am sleepy now.
It's almost 3 in the morning. I think I am pretty tired and hopefully will fall asleep soon before this gets too long.
Not a good day. I knew that the moment I woke up. Was still in bed for another 30 minutes or so and started to cry too much that I had to get myself out of the bed. Not surprised it's dark when I looked out and it was a bit chilly then in the afternoon it started to rain and the temperature kept dropping. Very depressing weather.
I was quite sentimental all day. I cried when I did yoga, when I listened to songs, when I felt frustrated, when I watched six feet under, and for some unknown reasons. I don't like this at all. I know I am going to feel down but I did not expect it happened so soon so dramatic. I mean hey, I went to Wei's birthday party on Friday and I went to Sam's farewell party and Alice's daughter, Elisa's birthday party on Saturday and both were nice. The only reason I could think of is that I got my pretty bad mark of interpreting practice:55, which is a pass. I think it's the lowest mark I have ever got in my whole life. I haven't failed a subject so far, and it Taiwan you fail if it's below 60. Here I think it's 50.
I was quite upset at the beginning but then I told myself that I was not in a good condition and that's why I asked for special consideration. In fact, I did not think I did it that bad but I guess it was bad enough to get me that low mark. But I just wonder how about other classmates. Two of my classmates have not got their results yet. Who knows, maybe they have got good mark and waiting for NATTI accreditation. I just wonder if they will fail anyone who could not even understand most part of the exam. Talking about the exam, I heard a student was laughed by the teacher who taught us. Couldn't believe how terrible a teacher can be like that to laugh at his own student in a formal exam.
Well, that's the best I could do at that time so it didn't really bring me down that much, so what's the reason? About having kids or not? The questions, problems I have to think for my future? I like John because he makes me think but now I kind of get to the point that I wonder if I should keep thinking. I am just down and everything I do or think or see just makes me sad. I didn't realize that I did not have a happy childhood before I started to see the counselor. I guess what I told Johan on Friday was quite depressing and it did not go away?
Well, it's not really such a terrible day. At least I was quite aware that I am falling so I tried to pull myself up without making too much effort since I knew if I try too hard, it would work the opposite way. I pushed myself to tidy up the room but gave myself a lot of time. good i am sleepy now.
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