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I am crying. Sigh. I know this will happen so no surprise but still can't deal with it well. Well, like the doctor said, everyone has their bad day. I really can't ask more.
This medicine, Avanza, worked so well for the first few days and I was quite happy with it except the side effects: I sleep too much and eat too much. And when I don't have enough sleep like yesterday and have 8 hours classes from 9 am to 8 pm like today, it's really terrible. I got up around 8 am and had three cups of coffee before 10 am. Since I was very sleepy most of the time, I kept eating to keep myself awake. I ate so much that I felt sick.
Medicine is something scary. It can tell my brains that I want to eat even though I am not hungry. How the brains function is really a mystery. I cried because I was very upset that a friend of mine deleted all my files when I left message on his wall on facebook, only mine message but not others. Well, I wouldn't deny what I said is quite silly a lot of the time and perhaps I should just send him a personal message but is it that bad? The first time I said something like the picture is so cute, I didn't recognize until I saw the dream catcher. when are you going to finish it? Well, he left a message on my wall but then after a few days he deleted the message I left. Not big deal. and the second time, I left something silly again. Knock, knock, anybody home? because he didn't reply my messages. then last time was a couple days ago, he recommended me a program and I like it a lot, so i just said i like this i believe a lot. thanks a lot. so what do you believe? photography? he didn't answer. but today when I wanted to send him a message to tell him that i am going home, i found that he deleted all the messages i left on his wall, but not others, just mine. so i was quite upset and send him a message: if i am not welcome, won't contact again.
I am just in a bad mood today, a bit overwhelmed, i guess? well, i am going home and actually I was quite happy 30 minutes ago and thought about writing to tell people. besides, he's just someone i used to like a lot. the first person made me feel i want to have his baby. thought about delete him from friend list, if that's what he wants but it's just too much trouble and if he really doesn't want to see me then it's his choice to do so, i don't have to. well, i know we are still friends and in fact, he helped a lot a couple times when i was really down. and i know he will still be there when i really need him but this is life. am i making myself understood here? probably not but that's okay. everyone has their own life and has their priorities. even your husband or wife, best friends, family members will often do things you won't be able to understand for their own reasons.
Just recently, i started to understand why johann did what he did before, simply before he didn't care enough. well, it's not that i didn't know it before. it's because i didn't have the same experience so even though i tried to understand but i still couldn't fully understand but now that i am in his shoes, i know what it's like and how he felt, why he did what he did, suddenly, everything makes sense and has a good reason. it's just this simple.
after i have these kinds of thought then i won't be able to blame anyone because i know they have their own reasons but still i am upset so who can i blame or angry at? ME. that's right and that's how i become depressed.
Maybe i should go home and don't come back to australia, feel so sad now. but what does home mean to me? it's a house why i live. will i be happier when i am home? i don't know. but my friends are there, my family are there.
don't know why but i thought of the movie, if these walls could talk. a very sad movie about abortion. well, i am not pregnant and never. just put a picture of mine and my friend's friend's niece on facebook. I love the baby. Children are really the future of the world. Yesterday when I listened to this i believe, there's a mother whose job is to help teenagers who are release from the prison. She talked about what qualities she wants her baby to have in this chaotic world. First is honesty, very easy to understand. Second is to be able to care for someone. The third one is the most difficult to come out. And I was not too surprised to hear her answer but surprised to know the reason.. She said that she hopes her child will have the ability to laugh at himself so even if he does make some mistakes and is put to jail, he will be able to handle the situation well. I didn't tell the story well but I was very touched when I listened to it and that's why i left the message at my friend's wall on facebook and it seems like he just doesn't appreciate. Well, I think I am an honest and caring person and I can always laugh at myself except when I am down. And the problem is I get upset too easily just like it doesn't take much to please me, to make me happy.
in fact, yesterday, i was given a big chocolate cake and i was very happy. besides, i am going to a nice restaurant tomorrow and my friend's house warming party on sunday. and most of all, i am going home in three weeks. well, when i don't think about those readings i have to catch up with and the assignments due next week.
feel much better after writing down my negative thoughts and enforced my positive thoughts. should go to bed and get some good sleep. tomorrow is another day.
This medicine, Avanza, worked so well for the first few days and I was quite happy with it except the side effects: I sleep too much and eat too much. And when I don't have enough sleep like yesterday and have 8 hours classes from 9 am to 8 pm like today, it's really terrible. I got up around 8 am and had three cups of coffee before 10 am. Since I was very sleepy most of the time, I kept eating to keep myself awake. I ate so much that I felt sick.
Medicine is something scary. It can tell my brains that I want to eat even though I am not hungry. How the brains function is really a mystery. I cried because I was very upset that a friend of mine deleted all my files when I left message on his wall on facebook, only mine message but not others. Well, I wouldn't deny what I said is quite silly a lot of the time and perhaps I should just send him a personal message but is it that bad? The first time I said something like the picture is so cute, I didn't recognize until I saw the dream catcher. when are you going to finish it? Well, he left a message on my wall but then after a few days he deleted the message I left. Not big deal. and the second time, I left something silly again. Knock, knock, anybody home? because he didn't reply my messages. then last time was a couple days ago, he recommended me a program and I like it a lot, so i just said i like this i believe a lot. thanks a lot. so what do you believe? photography? he didn't answer. but today when I wanted to send him a message to tell him that i am going home, i found that he deleted all the messages i left on his wall, but not others, just mine. so i was quite upset and send him a message: if i am not welcome, won't contact again.
I am just in a bad mood today, a bit overwhelmed, i guess? well, i am going home and actually I was quite happy 30 minutes ago and thought about writing to tell people. besides, he's just someone i used to like a lot. the first person made me feel i want to have his baby. thought about delete him from friend list, if that's what he wants but it's just too much trouble and if he really doesn't want to see me then it's his choice to do so, i don't have to. well, i know we are still friends and in fact, he helped a lot a couple times when i was really down. and i know he will still be there when i really need him but this is life. am i making myself understood here? probably not but that's okay. everyone has their own life and has their priorities. even your husband or wife, best friends, family members will often do things you won't be able to understand for their own reasons.
Just recently, i started to understand why johann did what he did before, simply before he didn't care enough. well, it's not that i didn't know it before. it's because i didn't have the same experience so even though i tried to understand but i still couldn't fully understand but now that i am in his shoes, i know what it's like and how he felt, why he did what he did, suddenly, everything makes sense and has a good reason. it's just this simple.
after i have these kinds of thought then i won't be able to blame anyone because i know they have their own reasons but still i am upset so who can i blame or angry at? ME. that's right and that's how i become depressed.
Maybe i should go home and don't come back to australia, feel so sad now. but what does home mean to me? it's a house why i live. will i be happier when i am home? i don't know. but my friends are there, my family are there.
don't know why but i thought of the movie, if these walls could talk. a very sad movie about abortion. well, i am not pregnant and never. just put a picture of mine and my friend's friend's niece on facebook. I love the baby. Children are really the future of the world. Yesterday when I listened to this i believe, there's a mother whose job is to help teenagers who are release from the prison. She talked about what qualities she wants her baby to have in this chaotic world. First is honesty, very easy to understand. Second is to be able to care for someone. The third one is the most difficult to come out. And I was not too surprised to hear her answer but surprised to know the reason.. She said that she hopes her child will have the ability to laugh at himself so even if he does make some mistakes and is put to jail, he will be able to handle the situation well. I didn't tell the story well but I was very touched when I listened to it and that's why i left the message at my friend's wall on facebook and it seems like he just doesn't appreciate. Well, I think I am an honest and caring person and I can always laugh at myself except when I am down. And the problem is I get upset too easily just like it doesn't take much to please me, to make me happy.
in fact, yesterday, i was given a big chocolate cake and i was very happy. besides, i am going to a nice restaurant tomorrow and my friend's house warming party on sunday. and most of all, i am going home in three weeks. well, when i don't think about those readings i have to catch up with and the assignments due next week.
feel much better after writing down my negative thoughts and enforced my positive thoughts. should go to bed and get some good sleep. tomorrow is another day.
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