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I just finished watching My Fair Lady. It's a great movie and I love it. I don't remember when was the last time I laughed so loud. This is really good. I should write down "watching comedies" on the list I am going to make about what to do when I am down.
The counselor was almost yelling at me today when she asked me when I would be doing the blood test ordered by the psychiatrist last Thursday. I told her that maybe later today. She stared at me like I was an alien. Take good care of yourself! Yes, I know I have to do that on my own because I am not a baby anymore and nobody can do that for me. But I am so confused and frustrated lately and I don't know what to do. It sounds such much like an excuse but it's what's happening. I will turn 36 in a few weeks but I need to learn how to live my life again.
So hard to explain how I feel and so frustrated to try to be understood. Well, perhaps just like Bruce said, we can't expect anyone in the world to understand us but I want them to respect us. I live my own life and no one else in the world lives the same life as I do so it is impossible for them to understand or to feel how I feel and it's probably not necessary.
Why do I have to explain? Because I don't like to be misunderstood or be judged. But so what? Do I have to care how people think of me all the time? How often do I see them? How often do I talk to them? Sigh. I don't even know what I am talking about.
The person I am having a battle with is myself. I am the person I have to be with every day. Most of the time I like myself but I get angry at myself very easily lately. I don't understand why my emotions just go up and down so quickly and I couldn't find the reason. Well, the counselor said it's depression. She said that she and the doctor were pretty sure I have depression. And also the psychiatrist I am seeing and the nurse, who calls almost every are the evidence that I am sick. I should treat this like a disease instead of blaming myself.
Sometimes I wonder if I am just lazy and weak so I use depression as an excuse to escape from the reality, the unhappy life I have. Sometimes I even wonder if I don't want to be happy and that's why I am depressed. But I know I can be cheered up by some small little things and I don't expect my life to be always happy.
My headache is killing me. I don't even remember what time I got up this morning. Anyway, I got up then had breakfast. After that, I just couldn't move. I knelt down on the floor and just couldn't move. I just couldn't do anything. This doesn't make sense to me, either how could I expect other to understand? I lay on the bed and fell asleep. I was late for the appointment with the counselor because I did not want to go. I kept talking to myself and convinced myself to go. I did not want to go swimming but I forced myself to go. Then I watched the DVD and that's all I did today. Now I have run out of battery and have no energy left. Why can I just do so little every day? Because I am sick. I think it's easier for me to think of depression as an illness so I don't have to blame myself for not doing much.
I really don't know what I am talking about. I have taken two tablets instead of one since last Thursday and I became so anxious. All these are driving me crazy, the medication, the side effects, the depression. I don't want to be judged by people and I don't want to be mean to myself. Relax and take it easy!
The counselor was almost yelling at me today when she asked me when I would be doing the blood test ordered by the psychiatrist last Thursday. I told her that maybe later today. She stared at me like I was an alien. Take good care of yourself! Yes, I know I have to do that on my own because I am not a baby anymore and nobody can do that for me. But I am so confused and frustrated lately and I don't know what to do. It sounds such much like an excuse but it's what's happening. I will turn 36 in a few weeks but I need to learn how to live my life again.
So hard to explain how I feel and so frustrated to try to be understood. Well, perhaps just like Bruce said, we can't expect anyone in the world to understand us but I want them to respect us. I live my own life and no one else in the world lives the same life as I do so it is impossible for them to understand or to feel how I feel and it's probably not necessary.
Why do I have to explain? Because I don't like to be misunderstood or be judged. But so what? Do I have to care how people think of me all the time? How often do I see them? How often do I talk to them? Sigh. I don't even know what I am talking about.
The person I am having a battle with is myself. I am the person I have to be with every day. Most of the time I like myself but I get angry at myself very easily lately. I don't understand why my emotions just go up and down so quickly and I couldn't find the reason. Well, the counselor said it's depression. She said that she and the doctor were pretty sure I have depression. And also the psychiatrist I am seeing and the nurse, who calls almost every are the evidence that I am sick. I should treat this like a disease instead of blaming myself.
Sometimes I wonder if I am just lazy and weak so I use depression as an excuse to escape from the reality, the unhappy life I have. Sometimes I even wonder if I don't want to be happy and that's why I am depressed. But I know I can be cheered up by some small little things and I don't expect my life to be always happy.
My headache is killing me. I don't even remember what time I got up this morning. Anyway, I got up then had breakfast. After that, I just couldn't move. I knelt down on the floor and just couldn't move. I just couldn't do anything. This doesn't make sense to me, either how could I expect other to understand? I lay on the bed and fell asleep. I was late for the appointment with the counselor because I did not want to go. I kept talking to myself and convinced myself to go. I did not want to go swimming but I forced myself to go. Then I watched the DVD and that's all I did today. Now I have run out of battery and have no energy left. Why can I just do so little every day? Because I am sick. I think it's easier for me to think of depression as an illness so I don't have to blame myself for not doing much.
I really don't know what I am talking about. I have taken two tablets instead of one since last Thursday and I became so anxious. All these are driving me crazy, the medication, the side effects, the depression. I don't want to be judged by people and I don't want to be mean to myself. Relax and take it easy!
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