Another letter to a friend says well what's in my mind. It might not sound fair to my friends here but sometimes I don't even know what I am looking for. I just feel like I have to act all the time and it's so tiring that I cannot show my true self without being judged.
目前分類：diary (105)
- Aug 01 Wed 2007 23:30
what's the meaning?
- Jul 27 Fri 2007 23:38
my problems
My biggest problem in life now is that I see things quite clearly and I know what my problems are and what I want to do but I just don't do. Why? I don't know.
- Jul 22 Sun 2007 00:49
Happy Birthday to Johann!
It's Johann's birthday today! He's on holiday in Greece now. How nice! I thought about him a lot yesterday and today even though I know too well that we were over long time ago. A lot of people told me to let go and asked me not to mention him at all. They thought I still had false hopes and I should have given up long long time ago. Well, I keep in touch with most ex-boyfriends until they disappear. Once you love someone, it's not easy to forget the person. Besides, if he's a decent person, why can't we still be good friends after we broke up?
- Jul 17 Tue 2007 21:45
i will be fine
what a day! bad mood. well, not really. just lazy, don't feel like doing anything at all. can't explain that just like i couldn't explain to the counselor that i felt that i was not in my body. it's strange but once in a while especially while i wasn't feeling too well, i felt i cannot feel myself anymore. it's still me and i was sitting there but i felt there's something between me and my body. hard to explain.
- Jul 12 Thu 2007 20:15
cheer up
it's always like this, good for a few days then down again. it's really tired but it seems like i have no choice but cope with it. cannot ask myself what's wrong with me anymore and too sick and tired of this.
- Jul 10 Tue 2007 12:14
another letter
A letter I wrote on July 2. It's just for me to observe my moods because I was very confused at that time and I think this mail shows a lot how I felt at that time.
- Jul 09 Mon 2007 23:02
rain rain go away
It started to rain again yesterday and of course I didn't go out when it's freezing and pouring outside. I just don't like this kind of weather. This morning, I didn't want to get up or go out. I am glad that the I made it to the yoga class and later to talk to the counselor. This kind of weather is really hard for me to kick myself out of the house. I'm glad that I joined the gym so at least I can go there even when it's rainy. The most difficult thing is getting myself out of the house, then I can just walk around or work out in the gym. And I always feel much better.
- Jul 08 Sun 2007 13:22
070707
昨天是這個千禧年的第七年的第七個月的第七天，八國同時舉辦了Live Earth演唱會，第一場就在雪梨。我，沒去。但是在MSN上看了一下現場演唱會的實況，但是網路實在太慢了，只好放棄。雖然挺多人批判演場會背後的實質意義，但還是有助於大家對全球氣候變化的注意吧！我看到這個日期則是想到Dreams come true的七月七日晴那首歌，好聽啊！
- Jul 03 Tue 2007 20:21
My frustration
I just finished watching My Fair Lady. It's a great movie and I love it. I don't remember when was the last time I laughed so loud. This is really good. I should write down "watching comedies" on the list I am going to make about what to do when I am down.
- Jul 02 Mon 2007 16:53
what should I do?
I really don't know what's going on and I hate this feeling. I was okay, fine for a few days and yesterday I even went swimming in the outdoor pool for 500m. Mind you, it's winter time but the water is around 26 degrees so I didn't feel cold when I was swimming but it's freezing after I got out from the pool. I just have so little energy every day and I can only do very few things and this is so frustrating.
- Jun 29 Fri 2007 09:48
try not to be stupid
I am still a bit angry now. I am not an angry person but I got angry so easily after I came to Australia and guess who I am angry at? It's me. Sometimes I got angry at other people and things but in the end I would blame myself because I had a choice and I chose to be angry so I have no one else to blame except me. Smart people use everything happens to be their advantage. Stupid people take everything happens personally and become angry. I am not stupid but sometimes it seems like I have no control over my own feelings.
- Jun 26 Tue 2007 01:35
ask for help
I feel quite stupid after sending this email but I don't think I have a choice. I just became so strange and I cannot imagine what I will be like after staying home all alone for another five weeks.
- Jun 22 Fri 2007 23:13
reasons to live
"Are you sure you're not gonna hurt yourself?"
"Yes."
"Yes."
- Jun 15 Fri 2007 22:35
normal or abnormal?
How do you know if a person is normal or abnormal? It's a question just like asking how do you know if a person is drunk or not?
A drunk person always says he's not drunk. A person claims he's drunk on the other hand is normally sober enough to say so. Recently I have been thinking about this question: Am I normal or abnormal? Maybe I am normal but just strange in some ways like all ordinary people.
A drunk person always says he's not drunk. A person claims he's drunk on the other hand is normally sober enough to say so. Recently I have been thinking about this question: Am I normal or abnormal? Maybe I am normal but just strange in some ways like all ordinary people.
- Jun 12 Tue 2007 23:59
blame it on loneliness
My English is deteriorating. Who would think of this: I practice my speaking less than back home.
All surrounded by the Chinese, I speak Chinese most of the time and only speak English in some classes and when I go shopping.
All surrounded by the Chinese, I speak Chinese most of the time and only speak English in some classes and when I go shopping.
- Jun 10 Sun 2007 14:07
dilemma
It's Sunday afternoon.
I have two final exams coming tomorrow and the day after but I am still not in a mood to study.
- Jun 05 Tue 2007 22:22
dream or reality
I want to say that I don't know what's wrong with me but I know.
It's depression plus the anti-depressants.
- Jun 02 Sat 2007 22:52
Lovan diary
My sadness was overwhelming and I just could not stop my tears. Every morning I woke up, I looked at my swollen eyes and asked myself what's going on. The counselor told me that it's depression, and the sadness had taken control over me and she suggested that I see a doctor to start medication. I hate anti-depressants because I did not like the side effects and I did not think they work anyway. However, the final exams were coming and I knew well that if I did not do something, I would not be able to get myself together to prepare the final. Besides the final exams, I worried about myself. Having suicide idea scared me even though I knew too well that I would never do that. I knew I was getting more depressed and I payed attention to my diet and did exercise and talked to people to ask for help. But all those efforts failed and I was crying and crying and in the end, I did not know why I was crying. I wanted to feel happy but I couldn't. Like the counselor said, I had no control of how I felt anymore.
